Three Basic Differences that say "Who" we are

Three differences

We are born in a family. It is the family that puts us in society. The family helps us participate in society. Already in the family we see differences that we identify with—and make us define also our places in society. The differences are essential to saying “who” we are. We exist and live with these all the time. Let us check them out.

Age Differences: Generations
     Come the family this is clear. A member is also defined according to which generation she/he belongs. Anthropology would note that there is, for example, a universal taboo which is incest. All societies seem to hold this. The taboo is a clear illustration of difference according to generation. In some cultures incest would be a serious crime that will provoke the anger of gods and spirits. Incest weakens the family. It sucks away the flow of the generations. Well, in modern times, we never allow incest too. No matter how modern we get, this is one area of taboos that we hold for all the time. But, there is a new form of incest that is arising—and it is unnoticed and it is even accepted. Let us call it “subtle-incest”. Parents, for example, “become like” and “behave like” their children.
     There is also the subtle incest of allowing children to be “subtle-adults”. Some children are allowed to smoke, drink and watch porn, for example. Young children are allowed to practice sexual advances. There is the subtle aggression against “getting old”. Etc. In this subtle-incest there is the tendency to deny generational differences. There is the tendency to remove age differences and to make everyone uniform. It is a “subtle-incest”. What do you think?

Sex differences:
     Of course we know this. We are different in sex and gender. It is not just an ideology—it is genetic. Open your pants or your blouses, you know what we are talking about. So, a male is not a female, and vice-versa. A boy is not a girl, and vice-versa. A man is not a woman, and vice-versa. In principle there is no position in-between, genetically. The difference identifies us. We did not choose to be born male or female, boy or girl. It is “already there”—a given fact.
     In the family this is clear. There are roles for boys and girls. The society can be traditional or modern…the roles for sexes are always present. Boys know where they belong. Girls know where they belong. Each have functions in the family—and the functions are not inter-changeable. Ok, maybe in modernity we see roles given to both. They are roles that have no basic sexual attributions. Fine. But that does not make the sexual differences disappear.
     Again, just like in incest, there are prohibitions that make sure sexual differences are respected. Already when born, a prohibition starts: give a name that is proper to the sex of the baby. We do not call the little girl “Henry” and we do not call the little boy “Helen”. Immediately, on birth, the sexual identity is given to the baby. Later the child learns to wear clothes proper to the boy or the girl. The clothes do not inter-change. Then there are the games children play. There are games for boys and games for girls. Of course some games allow mixing…but we know that there are still differences. Take the example of “playing house”. Both the boy and the girl can play it together. But they define the roles already. The boy is the “papa” and the girl is the “mama”. Entering adulthood, both the man and the woman take roles proper to them. Adulthood is full of examples.
     To transgress sexual differences always provokes difficulties. There are people who get disturbed. Laughter and mockery can arise.
     But slowly, there is a tendency to take this difference less seriously. Sexual relations are fused. There is a “bracketing” of sexual differences. In a sense there is a growing tendency to think “a-sexual”. “Anyone can do”. In fact global society has its models—Michael Jackson and Lady Gaga, for example. Sexuality is made identical and interchangeable. We hold the principle that because in politics men and women have same roles, so then too in sexual relationships. To avoid discrimination—like to avoid hurting feminists or gay-right advocates—we would rather not focus much on sexuality. So slowly we see changes in this direction. What do you think?

Differences in “belongingness”
     This word is inspired by Jean Vanier. He wrote a book, “Becoming Human”, and there he wrote about the basic fact of “belonging to….” A family is a circle of belongingness. Members are united and they know who is father, mother, brother, sister, cousin, uncle, auntie, etc. They know who is from an other family. There are ways of setting this belongingness: by blood, by marriage, by adoption, sometimes by friendship. We know how serious the links are, we just do not break them.
     There are prohibitions against the break up of belongingness. Adultery, for example, is prohibited. Parricide is prohibited. Do not abandon the baby. Do not abandon the parent. Be hospitable to a family member. Be hospitable to a friend who comes as guest. Do not profit from the visit of someone. Gen 19 show the seriousness here. Each culture has a sense of hospitality.
    This family way extends even to our wider social lives. We say that the ‘nation is a family”. We say “we are united as a country”. A foreigner who decides to be member of the nation is given rights.
     In our Christian belief, we say that we are all brothers and sisters with Our Father. This is what Jesus showed in his act of redemption.
     We see however the possibility too of breaking this. Bias and prejudice are examples. Ethnicity is an area of belongingness…but it can be a source of break up. Social mobility in modernity allows a sense of “no-belongingness”. This too is an issue to look at.

Conclude
     We have all three. We are different in ages, in sexes and in belongingness. Notice how we put all three together. We marry people of the opposite sex of the same age level and we form a belongingness. We have religious congregations that do not mix sexes and that put formands together…formation as generational. There are vows that define belongingness.
     Now, let us do theology—and moral theology in particular. The Bible insists on these. We have studied Genesis—both chapters one and two. The differences are there clear. Sexual differences are defined. After Adam and Eve, there are generations. In the Noah story, incest is condemned.
     The history of Israel has been a history of belongingness—with covenants and solidarities engaged. The Torah has been against rape and incest and adultery and murder. Etc.
     Well, with the changes going on in life—with the coming of modernity—we see that the prohibitions and differences have been changing too. We “recompose” our differences—to the extent of minimizing the basic three differences of age, sex and belongingness. How is the quality of life? What do you think?